• How I Imagine It Is to Be Rich

    By Bizzy Coy and Megan Downey

    Published July 13, 2018 in Points in Case
    Link to original
  • You always get the guac


    You have all the flip phones you could ever dream of


    You call out sick for any flu, not just the stomach flu


    You only work your second, third and fourth jobs when you’re bored


    You have a stepchild named “Denfer”


    You always sort from “Most —> Least” expensive when online shopping


    You pay for a fountain drink instead of asking for a free water cup and filling it with Diet Sierra Mist when no one’s looking


    When Denfer’s away at boarding school you only Airbnb his room during leaf-peeping season and NEVER when he’s home


    You donate a respectable enough amount to crowdfunding campaigns that you don’t need to list yourself as anonymous


    You buy horse monocles in bulk


    You go see a doctor even if nothing is bleeding, and you never cry after receiving an invoice for lab work


    You pay for Denfer’s Ivy League golf college in cold hard golf cash as you would never handicap him with golf debt


    When your heat goes out, you cuddle with your butler for warmth


    You think the kitchens in Nancy Meyers movies are fine, for a beach house


    When Denfer marries a non-rich, you don’t think twice about letting her share your HBO GO password even though she claims to have her own


    You change your underwear daily.